sana: not so random thoughts

MANILA, Philippines – I do the things that I do because football is a passion and not doing things right is a pet peeve. I hate people taking shortcuts, I don’t like people not being accountable, I don’t like not doing things the best that they can be done and I hate unjustified excuses. I detest people who feel entitled. I try to think 2 steps ahead so I can prepare. I don’t pretend to know everything and I’m not afraid to ask questions to learn.

Having said all that, I feel very, very tired. I enjoy getting to execute things. I like the journey but I’m not sure how much I’ll enjoy reaching the destination. But it is very mentally draining having to think about how to do things just so your motivation and intentions are not questioned. It’s not so much caring about what other people think, it’s more the fear of our work being tainted because people think you have some malicious agenda. I guess I should have known that when you threaten the old way of doing things your personal integrity takes a beating from baseless accusations. Ok lang sana if people had the guts to say it in your face pero when stuff about you is whispered behind your back nakakapagod din. I know I shouldn’t mind these but I’m human.

I can’t do this for much longer.  I will most likely just quietly walk away. It will hurt but somehow I have to protect my sanity.

I think it’s time for other people to step up and come out in the open to say what’s wrong. I’m tired. I cannot always be everyone’s voice. Kung sa cycling, kailangan na ng iba na umangat para humatak sa iba.

Hindi naman talaga ako mawawala. I just hope that I’ve taught and shown people enough that they can summon the courage to say no to the bad stuff.

Sana.

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